Fatal dictionary

When you walk around this journey called the life , you come across these paradoxes, mysteries , unknown strange facts and yet you some how decipher them and you choose these to become your loved ones. They say that the learning procedure starts from the day you were born and stops the day you board the bus to the next level..you choose your own people and place them rightfully in the circle of your trust..until one of them voluntarily chooses or commits a mistake of walking out of it!!
It's funny how no matter how much you break your head over it there will be a splurge of people walking in and out of your life,often scratching it,trashing it,leaving a trail of sorrow and misery behind...
But,
Sometimes there are people who make it more beautiful , colourful and worthwhile....they make you feel loved , they make you feel the world , they make you discover the side that you probably in the vaguest of vague dreams would have never imagined.

They make you feel loved........

Here is when exactly the problem starts, the moment they buy the rights to love you, they also get the rights to hurt you absolutely free... its a part of the package!! There is nothing that can give absolute happiness.. friends, parents ,soul-mates, children, siblings, everyone fall under the same category......It's just like everyone is waiting for your one wrong move !!
Most of the times it is some sort of dialogue that results in the cutting of the ropes,with the knife on the other end!!................ it's a puzzling matter for me actually, how words just pierce your skin without making it bleed and ripping apart everything on the inside, Feels good eh?
Why does it happen to each and every one of us that the ones we really love , care and hold on to are the first to go !! I mean why?

Is it because they were meant to drift away or is it because of the words that pull us further apart?.....so many mysteries and yet no solution. Why do people cross their boundaries and walk out .. just like you never meant anything to them ever, like the times that you spent together was just an illusion......... Is it true that nothing lasts forever? nothing?

If man sets his determination and focus then he can achieve anything, impossible is nothing, there is no stopping us humans and further crappy quotes that just boosts the morale, which probably don even fit the scenario that we are dealing with.... why do we humans brag about our superiority over other species when we like others just walk out , and say and do things that totally changes lives ....forever.. can our determination, our will, bring back the ones we so dearly cared and make them realize that its just the same as it always has been !! I really don't think so ..... believe it or not when you lose them you lose it all!!

i have seen and experienced it first hand....Nothing lasts forever..
Now my next question to all of you ......

Q3. Do words mean a lot ? Tell me frankly do words mean a lot?

Ans: Depends on the context and what you are talking about, cause it actually depends on person to person............
My reply ballz...words do matter , not always they say but yes they really do.......
To the ones having the same answer as mine , I ain't giving you a toffee and promoting you to the next class! in fact I must tell you, this is a symptom of quitters!! slap yourself and wake up to this reality, life is not a crystal staircase its actually a road filled with people trying to artificially inseminate you with pain and hatred , anger and evil !!
This is when you question the god about his creations.. in fact u should not question god because he/she is not responsible for what you have created out of that person!!!!!
The term ,the phrase to be in love with actually implies more than just walking out of a person life and leaving him/her to rot with nothing but the memories to cling on to, it means sacrifice,it means a world far beyond words,it s an in-disposable feeling and no matter how much you run away from it....it will rightfully pull you back.
Love they say is blind , but is it also deaf and dumb?

When you get into a relationship , your prerequisites for your love life is defined isn't it.... tell me the truth which one of you didn't know that there is certain amount of commitment,certain amount of understanding and yes certain disasters waiting to happen?did you really expect your soul-mate to remain flawless and sensitive to your issues under any and every circumstance?

It takes years to forge a trust between two people and this so called "Tree of love" but is it so weak that a minor storm just decimates it to a mere nothingness?............aren't the roots of this word love so strong that it crosses barriers and hearts and Berlin walls?that trying to uproot such a tree is another way of saying that this was just a joke!! some people in the world expect a lot ..... maybe i am one of them ,that no matter what i will stick on with the person i love forever. fight on to the very end and when the person i so dearly love and care has nothing more to give .. I just stick to the memories that we shared!!......
                                                        I tried to be perfect
                                                        It just wasn’t worth it
                                                        Nothing could ever be so wrong
                                                        It’s hard to believe me
                                                        It never gets easy
                                                        I guess I knew that all along

                                                                     If you believe it’s in my soul
                                                                     I’d say all the words that I know
                                                                     Just to see if it would show
                                                                     That I’m trying to let you know
                                                                     That I’m better off on my own
---------sum 41/pieces

A friend who said it all

There is more to it that meets the eye................. what you give ur life and soul to, sometimes snatches everything from you and leaves you on a deserted road with nothing but barb wires and needles.... just ready to squeeze thru your delicate and yet powerful emotions and make u bleed so profusely that no matter what you do.........it never stops....they’ll never clot.

Here is a poem that my closest friend came up with........ i cant thank her enough for putting it in the best terms ever..

Where is the love i have been looking in you
I gave you my love thinking you will mould it in your own way
Din't know that you just wont care ... but only play
You have new people who still care..
but one thing i know that when you need'em, they wouldn't be there.
you might not find me today when you looked by your side,
cause you are the one who wanted me to hide.....
you are the one , yes you are the one who took my broken heart , saying that you will try joining the parts...
yes you are the one who broke my broken heart
its in pieces because of you....
you are a dream and you will always be one,
It would only come true if the night were to be taken over by the sun.
I remember, I promised , i would'n create a mess ,
Got shattered by someone whom i called princess

An eternal feeling

Ehmmmm , now where do i begin this one ..................... i just cant clobber my head enough to come up with the necessary words that describe what happens when you do fall in love with someone..
Well let us take the best given examples that daily ridicule the entire concept of " LOVE "
The Hindi movies ............... pyar hua ikrar hua hai, pyar se phir kyun darta hai dil...love happened confession happened yet why is the heart scared about love... this is the layman s language for putting it. Dumb and totally illogical.. infact human affections can be best described by real life ...and not drama!!
To define love aesthetically is probably equal to saying that you just saw god... it is not possible and the ones who try coming close to it are probably bluffing, it ss something which gives you everything and yet you may not know of it....you will feel the feel that otherwise you wont feel....
till yesterday you were braving this world all alone but today you have your shadow fighting for you.
if the love is mutual that is ...
it bolsters your spirit and mind...gives you an extra sense of comfort that there is some one to stand up when you have none, after a very hectic day of work and constant battle with the outside world ... if you are totally down and out , love works out wonders .. it just like a magic portion that can make you forget that such problems can even stop you in the course of your life. when you have found your companion , you know that there is a new reason to live, new reason to push yourself no matter what....even when all odds are against you, its just like a shining beacon of hope and happiness that you so dearly preserve in your heart, its just like a million positive metaphors and similes that you use everyday.
Everyday morning you wake up and the first thing you see is a happy photograph of your loved one, smiling at you and asking you to get up and face this beautiful day as it is..
life becomes more colorful, more divine , more serene, more meaningful..... its like the smallest of smallest things makes you smile, makes you happy, makes you realize that this cruel world that we are living in isn so bad after all.
The innocence of a child and a mind of a saint ... you cant think wrong, you cant think bad, you cant thinking of hurting anyone. you just think and only think .... think about your him/her.
Those joyful memories swoop in on you like a million channels and one remote control..
you sit down and enjoy..........
You remember each and every thing , every detail like it just happened yesterday. perfect clarity so hard to believe that you even lived those moments.
The first time you met with her on her birthday,
the day you told her friends that you have feelings for her,
the day when you proposed to her over the phone because you were too scared to meet her and tell
, the day when you first said " I love you ",
the day you met with her and her friend because she was too scared to come alone.. when you dropped her at the bus stop and jumped into the same bus when it started moving ..and upon getting down ran behind the bus with such agility that at one point the relative velocity between you and the bus is zero
The first movie that you see with her alone, the time after the interval when you silently held her hand and closed your eyes hoping that you won be slapped, the movie tickets that you save in your pouch labeled with glitter,
the bus tickets you used to commute between your hostel and her...
the first time you ever went with her to a park
the first time you took her to a disque so jammed with ppl that its impossible to loose her contact or meet her again if you lost the contact
the first hug that she gave you when you slipped her those pair of earrings that she so longed for her fresher’s party
the first email that you sent to her emailid.
the first rose that you got her
the first time you stood for her waiting when she was the one who would always wait..
the first time you hugged her and smelt her hair that took you to the infinite dimension of joy
the countless nights you were dreaming about her even before falling asleep, the classes that you were thrown out for not paying attention to..
the first message she ever sent to you .... the one that you secretly store in your busted cell phone
the infinite mornings when you got up to see her message sayin " i love you and i swear i have gone crazy about you"
the whole lot of joyful auto rides where u silently snuggled up to her hoping that you could melt your soul with her.... the words of love and affection , the ones you thought you could never use the ones u spelt it down her ear..
the first ice cream that you had with her...whose plastic spoons you so secretly preserve with other items like coke bottles, plastic cups in which she ate pepper corn, the sheets of paper that she threw away after her work was done on it, the heel of her sandals, the pencil that you secretly stole from her house , the token coin for the gaming parlor where she hates to step in but you somehow managed to take her there. the tissue paper of the Chinese restaurant where you had once taken her too, the bills for the first cake that you shared, the piece of tomato that she removed from her chicken Mc-grill , the price tag to the first bracelet you got her, the first photograph ever of you and her together, the tickets to the first disque,the straws from the first juice, some unwanted piece of her clothing, the hand-kerchief she dropped one day accidentally, the strands of hair that were on your jacket when she first leaned on your shoulders, the red purse that your mom gave in which you saved enough cash so that on her next birthday you would throw a huge party and enough cash to celebrate your first anniversary and the platinum pendant that you had so secretly layed your eyes upon,the first and the only rose that she gave you,the greeting card that she had so selectively chosen but in a hurry could not write anything in it, the auto number in which u first went, the prepaid auto bills, the exact time and date of your vows that you shared with her in that memorable auto ride..
the first time you ever kissed her on her cheeks
the first time you got lost in the park
the first time you couldn help but grab her on every single occasion in a movie like the departed
the first time you ...........................
the bracelet, the dress , the greeting card...........The time you went on the national television , like ndtv on a valentines day boldly making a statement that yes i am in love :when you are in your parents territory and you forgot that you live in a colony overrun by kitty party and gossipy aunties.... Big mistake, the time when you screamed at your mom and asked her to " SHUT UP " when she made some stupid comments about her..
the day u .....
the accessory....
the first love letter and the necklace ..... that you still haven given her
the....................................................................................................



i know what you are thinking .. trust me i know that guy for whom it meant all this and more and for him love is nothing but a feeling that he best describes now.. by breathing and silently weeping in a corner when he remembers what it used to be like, what it used to be when she loved him, what it used to be like when he held her hand , when he held his Princess
... it is all priceless but still somewhere this too fell a little short of what could come to the actual defination of the feeling, the emotions , the strings of love...........

p.s:-may his heart rust in peace

Craving for the poison

The day began as usual…. You head out to your college in your vehicle,not really knowing why u even choose your course … standing at the traffic light you just silently mumble curses at the entire system which firstly delays you to reach your destination and secondly screws you for being late when you do arrive there finally….not having anything else on your mind you would plug into your i-pod or some sort of music machine which would keep your mind occupied rather than sending you into a kill frenzy with the ones who are constantly honking…that too for no reason as there is no scope of any movement ….for heavens sake it’s a god damn red light…sheesh

Suddenly the next track that u r listening to is a soft romantic number…your eyes wander off searching for something ,something that comforts you.. something in silence and something …. Yes something!! A loneliness fills your heart …. In a distance you can see a young couple cuddled on to each other on a gearless and the gal threatening the guy that she would topple the bike , you can clearly see the guy clinging on to the gal very tightly and the damsel is enjoying the situation !!!! ..you wish to god that you were in that situation with the one you loved someday!!

Your eyes long for that affection , that urge to hold someone close to your heart…that urge to Love…..b4 u dream further u r blown away to the reality by the traffic that is ready to run over you without hesitation!! , finally landing up in the class you take the last bench , just to avoid the lecturers eyes and dream away to glory, you sit in the class but your mind still races back to the couple on the traffic light…. The small celebration they were having together was priceless.. and yet no matter what you do the craving never sinks in…….. you want to be loved , you want to be cherished , you want it all ….. it s just like you have been blinded by the curiosity or loneliness that resides in your heart that … you somehow want someone to be a part of your life , part of your breath and a part of your own self !!

If you are lucky then you manage to evade the lurking eyes of the lecturer and make it off Scott free .. but what about the feelings that you carry on … what about them…. How are you going to run away from them ?

This is how it slowly makes way into your system highlighting your weakness,by making you vulnerable to the outside world ………who are ready to devour you and your emotions at the slightest chance they get.
The emptiness leads you to the ones that are really close to you … searching solace in some ones company , praying that some one really understand your stand…praying that you find the special some somewhere, who can understand things which are far beyond a friends reach , far, far , way to far beyond a regular friends reach , even beyond the reach of your own shadow! These are the exact situation that builds your mind , that focuses your thinkings to secretly search for the person with an X mark ....

This Urge to love , this feeling that u so hide underneath your skin is pretty visible... just like an open wound revealing the blood inside........... your frustrations keep on increasing, those arms are calling you in your dreams,your prince/princess is waiting for you... you are choking on to some ones strings and little do you know that you are going deeper and deeper in the quicksand,the more you dream.... the more you go deeper!! you possibly dream big , dream happy but in reality only a small part of it is actually going to come true , the remaining half is going to ............ to be frank the remaining heart will decimate and rob you of your happiness , the freedom that you so enjoyed will be curbed in a way that is unknown to you....

I seriously hope that i am wrong but as of now my personal opinions count ...........why?..." BECAUSE THIS IS MY BLOG U SILLY "

But yes the truth is right now whoever you are deep down somewhere you'll be hoping that i am wrong , you will be hoping that there is more to this four lettered word than pain........ i am not saying everything ends the way i see , its just that it does end at some point no matter what you try to do, no matter how good, delicate , sensetive , beautiful, caring, understanding you are there is something new that the person you love seek for..... i am not saying he/she will call it quits because of the fact that the above mentioned qualities become boring after sometimes but because of the fact that no matter what you try getting to ... you can never be perfect.

At this point you will be thinking that yes nobody can be perfect but trust me in my case i was no short of it either...(except that i am not beautiful.... lolz )( AH ! NOW I KNOW..what a self realization... LOLZ )

this feeling called love my friends, as harsh as it sounds, is hard to avoid.... its very hard infact it is impossible ..... minds are free and so is our soul ... so no matter what efforts you pull in and whatever precautions you take.... at some point of our lives you just hopelessly commit the same mistake of falling in it , Well symptoms actually vary and i am not saying this that i am right but it is a direct observation and intensive 2 years of studying humans in the laboratorties that i have come to the certain conclusions.....(i srsly can come up with a lot of crap)

1. It starts when you feel that you are lonely and yes there must be someone down there ... ready to pull you out of your misery and share your ideology..someone of the same frequency.

2.It might be a person whom you regret the most or dislike the most because of his/her qualities but trust me in 96.0732(i told you i studied human din i ?) cases opposite nature is the first one to attract you and no matter when its more likely that you are going to go for it !! unless that person is already occupied in which case you don bother or sulk at your god damn luck

3. you meet at the party or a social function or a college fest or a ..... places you really din want to go but had no other options ,and instantly there is a strong and when i mean strong i mean STROOOOOOOOONG attraction towards that person , this is due to the love bug type 109 ready to fall but not going to call , you wait for a miracle and ..... fill in the blanks guys as life is not always going to get you the best but yes somewhere close to it..close to love

4.There is friend of yours , whom you have no feelings for but as you progress in this journey with frequent road-bumps and just get tossed away by the emotions and the pain involved ,he/she makes an earnest effort to calm you down and hold your faltering hand when all hopes seem dashed ...that particular friend of yours who makes you smile at the slightest thought ,makes you think that this world is beautiful even though you just came out of a car crash, makes you confident and makes you ..."makes you yourself !" at sometimes you won just go to sleep without wishing that he/she could be there ...thats when this so called "HEART "makes its own decisions and you trust that person with your sentiments and emotions and this blind faith in him/her will result in a hilarious wedding or ......

5.childhood crush ..... now this is so far by all means the cutest form of love , you like this pretty girl when you you were a school going kid.... she has the cutest and the most adorable smile and the colourful ribbons tied to her hair is a sight that marvels you to no extent, the pencil box she brings to the class is the best and the best part about that girl is she shares her food with you !
a very intelligent and a sensitive girl becaue the last time you saw her cry was when she saw you fall from the staircase, unplugging your front teeth ...and in that entire crowd she was the first to come and rescue you or call the teacher for help...while the rest of the crowd continued their laughing....................some years later maybe 5,10,15 years later you bump into the same person and you wont believe how this magic starts but there is very little that you can do about it.
p.s:- being a guy i can only think of this scenerio, i dont really know what sort of childhood crushes girls have because a girls heart is deeper than any ocean( and for really young gals ...their hearts are deeper than any swimming pool in the world)

6.This is the most common form of suicide..... little can be done when.......................................... """""""""""""""""""""YOU FALL IN LOVE AT THE FIRST SIGHT""""""""""""""""""""
Tragically this was my case but what the heck you know in love they say "lucky ones die first "

there are lots other so if you can mail me some i ll put it on the blog

P.s:- i am a little lazy and trust me this post is already big enough

p.s2:- i am not against love i am against LOVE ... just that it s a boneless journey

p.s3:- i hope i din offend any one and if i did and i am wrong then i will correct myself but if i feel i am right then .................. screw you lolz......

my emailid is spider_phoenix_ut@yahoo.com so pls mail in your querries or suggestions and i will try living upto them ...until then i have to study thermodynamics so plz excuse me adieu!

THERE is life ....after a heartbreak

To the ones who have loved and lost it all.....

The truth.....

" I LOVE YOU " .............. its a funny phrase when people use it , indicating their affection and indicating their concern.... emphasising the fact that u mean the world to them.

What more joy and personal triumph would one get when they realize that there is somebody to hold their hand and walk with them throughout this journey called life ..Till deth do us part , Your heart just gets drugged by the worst virus ever that starts flooding your nerves system within no time, taking and making every inch of your body, every cell into a sensitive tissue, so weak .. SO WEAK that the slightest form of scratch will shred it into so many distinct shapes and sizes of pain.. But the question is when do we realize it , when does the real part kick in........ There is a totally different meaning to this obssesion and by the time you realize whats happening, it gets out of hand.. you will start wondering , is this what i really asked for?, is this what i really seek ?, is this what i deserve ?, is it all that i get ?....... This is not what i dreamt about............ this is a not what i dreamt about being in LOVE

as morpheus would put it "WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD"

Now being an Engg student i have always been asked to define different species of irrevelant entities.
SO here i am yet again defining love into different categories..not because i want to but because this way people wont throw stones at me for deframing or demoting the WORD " LOVE "
Q1. Define love in your own words and relate them with people around u,par eg . parental love etc...(5 marks and u better get this right because this is the only question in the papyrus that you are holding)
Ans )
we can define love into following different forms:-
love, loved, lov·ing.
–noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.
8. (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12. the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
13. Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
14. a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.
–verb (used with object)
15. to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
16. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
17. to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
18. to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
19. to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.
20. to have sexual intercourse with.
–verb (used without object)
21. to have love or affection for another person; be in love.
—Verb phrase
22. love up, to hug and cuddle: She loves him up every chance she gets.
—Idioms
23. for love,
a. out of affection or liking; for pleasure.
b. without compensation; gratuitously: He took care of the poor for love.
24. for the love of, in consideration of; for the sake of: For the love of mercy, stop that noise.
25. in love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: a youth always in love.
26. in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with the girl next door; in love with one's work.
27. make love,
a. to embrace and kiss as lovers.
b. to engage in sexual activity.
28. no love lost, dislike; animosity: There was no love lost between the two brothers.
29. ( hey get me some micro xerox i forgot a few of em).......
30. hey seriously i have forgotten some of the forms............................


31....yeah that was me jobless enough to search for the word that has no meaning for me
100..... not in all contexts though ..............
10000000000000000000xxxxxxx..... the one form that drives u insane that takes everything from u , that makes u leave the world and the one which gives you false strength and false hopes

So here it starts off...... straight from the one who just went through one of the biggest roller coaster rides ...without the seat belts and without a track .......en route to a beautiful disaster
(courtesy dictionary.com)