Craving for the poison

The day began as usual…. You head out to your college in your vehicle,not really knowing why u even choose your course … standing at the traffic light you just silently mumble curses at the entire system which firstly delays you to reach your destination and secondly screws you for being late when you do arrive there finally….not having anything else on your mind you would plug into your i-pod or some sort of music machine which would keep your mind occupied rather than sending you into a kill frenzy with the ones who are constantly honking…that too for no reason as there is no scope of any movement ….for heavens sake it’s a god damn red light…sheesh

Suddenly the next track that u r listening to is a soft romantic number…your eyes wander off searching for something ,something that comforts you.. something in silence and something …. Yes something!! A loneliness fills your heart …. In a distance you can see a young couple cuddled on to each other on a gearless and the gal threatening the guy that she would topple the bike , you can clearly see the guy clinging on to the gal very tightly and the damsel is enjoying the situation !!!! ..you wish to god that you were in that situation with the one you loved someday!!

Your eyes long for that affection , that urge to hold someone close to your heart…that urge to Love…..b4 u dream further u r blown away to the reality by the traffic that is ready to run over you without hesitation!! , finally landing up in the class you take the last bench , just to avoid the lecturers eyes and dream away to glory, you sit in the class but your mind still races back to the couple on the traffic light…. The small celebration they were having together was priceless.. and yet no matter what you do the craving never sinks in…….. you want to be loved , you want to be cherished , you want it all ….. it s just like you have been blinded by the curiosity or loneliness that resides in your heart that … you somehow want someone to be a part of your life , part of your breath and a part of your own self !!

If you are lucky then you manage to evade the lurking eyes of the lecturer and make it off Scott free .. but what about the feelings that you carry on … what about them…. How are you going to run away from them ?

This is how it slowly makes way into your system highlighting your weakness,by making you vulnerable to the outside world ………who are ready to devour you and your emotions at the slightest chance they get.
The emptiness leads you to the ones that are really close to you … searching solace in some ones company , praying that some one really understand your stand…praying that you find the special some somewhere, who can understand things which are far beyond a friends reach , far, far , way to far beyond a regular friends reach , even beyond the reach of your own shadow! These are the exact situation that builds your mind , that focuses your thinkings to secretly search for the person with an X mark ....

This Urge to love , this feeling that u so hide underneath your skin is pretty visible... just like an open wound revealing the blood inside........... your frustrations keep on increasing, those arms are calling you in your dreams,your prince/princess is waiting for you... you are choking on to some ones strings and little do you know that you are going deeper and deeper in the quicksand,the more you dream.... the more you go deeper!! you possibly dream big , dream happy but in reality only a small part of it is actually going to come true , the remaining half is going to ............ to be frank the remaining heart will decimate and rob you of your happiness , the freedom that you so enjoyed will be curbed in a way that is unknown to you....

I seriously hope that i am wrong but as of now my personal opinions count ...........why?..." BECAUSE THIS IS MY BLOG U SILLY "

But yes the truth is right now whoever you are deep down somewhere you'll be hoping that i am wrong , you will be hoping that there is more to this four lettered word than pain........ i am not saying everything ends the way i see , its just that it does end at some point no matter what you try to do, no matter how good, delicate , sensetive , beautiful, caring, understanding you are there is something new that the person you love seek for..... i am not saying he/she will call it quits because of the fact that the above mentioned qualities become boring after sometimes but because of the fact that no matter what you try getting to ... you can never be perfect.

At this point you will be thinking that yes nobody can be perfect but trust me in my case i was no short of it either...(except that i am not beautiful.... lolz )( AH ! NOW I KNOW..what a self realization... LOLZ )

this feeling called love my friends, as harsh as it sounds, is hard to avoid.... its very hard infact it is impossible ..... minds are free and so is our soul ... so no matter what efforts you pull in and whatever precautions you take.... at some point of our lives you just hopelessly commit the same mistake of falling in it , Well symptoms actually vary and i am not saying this that i am right but it is a direct observation and intensive 2 years of studying humans in the laboratorties that i have come to the certain conclusions.....(i srsly can come up with a lot of crap)

1. It starts when you feel that you are lonely and yes there must be someone down there ... ready to pull you out of your misery and share your ideology..someone of the same frequency.

2.It might be a person whom you regret the most or dislike the most because of his/her qualities but trust me in 96.0732(i told you i studied human din i ?) cases opposite nature is the first one to attract you and no matter when its more likely that you are going to go for it !! unless that person is already occupied in which case you don bother or sulk at your god damn luck

3. you meet at the party or a social function or a college fest or a ..... places you really din want to go but had no other options ,and instantly there is a strong and when i mean strong i mean STROOOOOOOOONG attraction towards that person , this is due to the love bug type 109 ready to fall but not going to call , you wait for a miracle and ..... fill in the blanks guys as life is not always going to get you the best but yes somewhere close to it..close to love

4.There is friend of yours , whom you have no feelings for but as you progress in this journey with frequent road-bumps and just get tossed away by the emotions and the pain involved ,he/she makes an earnest effort to calm you down and hold your faltering hand when all hopes seem dashed ...that particular friend of yours who makes you smile at the slightest thought ,makes you think that this world is beautiful even though you just came out of a car crash, makes you confident and makes you ..."makes you yourself !" at sometimes you won just go to sleep without wishing that he/she could be there ...thats when this so called "HEART "makes its own decisions and you trust that person with your sentiments and emotions and this blind faith in him/her will result in a hilarious wedding or ......

5.childhood crush ..... now this is so far by all means the cutest form of love , you like this pretty girl when you you were a school going kid.... she has the cutest and the most adorable smile and the colourful ribbons tied to her hair is a sight that marvels you to no extent, the pencil box she brings to the class is the best and the best part about that girl is she shares her food with you !
a very intelligent and a sensitive girl becaue the last time you saw her cry was when she saw you fall from the staircase, unplugging your front teeth ...and in that entire crowd she was the first to come and rescue you or call the teacher for help...while the rest of the crowd continued their laughing....................some years later maybe 5,10,15 years later you bump into the same person and you wont believe how this magic starts but there is very little that you can do about it.
p.s:- being a guy i can only think of this scenerio, i dont really know what sort of childhood crushes girls have because a girls heart is deeper than any ocean( and for really young gals ...their hearts are deeper than any swimming pool in the world)

6.This is the most common form of suicide..... little can be done when.......................................... """""""""""""""""""""YOU FALL IN LOVE AT THE FIRST SIGHT""""""""""""""""""""
Tragically this was my case but what the heck you know in love they say "lucky ones die first "

there are lots other so if you can mail me some i ll put it on the blog

P.s:- i am a little lazy and trust me this post is already big enough

p.s2:- i am not against love i am against LOVE ... just that it s a boneless journey

p.s3:- i hope i din offend any one and if i did and i am wrong then i will correct myself but if i feel i am right then .................. screw you lolz......

my emailid is spider_phoenix_ut@yahoo.com so pls mail in your querries or suggestions and i will try living upto them ...until then i have to study thermodynamics so plz excuse me adieu!